Run Run Blood

Stop trying to skip the fucking struggle. We’ve all been there. Sometimes it’s a one day, sometimes it’s an entire week, sometimes just getting to the gym is a struggle, sometimes finishing the workout is a struggle, sometimes it’s just one simple exercise everyone else seems to be good at but keeps beating us down – sometimes the struggle gets the best of us. Not only is it hard physically, but mentally too.

Coming in first isn’t always a given. Neither is second. And that’s OK. We can’t be the best at every single part of fitness. Some people are built to run and not to lift heavy, some people are the opposite we love to lift and hate cardio, some of us are super fit but lack mobility which makes certain exercises more difficult than they should be, and this is all OK. We may not even be second best. And guess what? That’s OKAY.

“Why should I believe this coming from someone who is highly competitive?”

Because I’ve learned the hard way several times how to eat a piece of humble pie. There’s always room to improve. And that’s what’s most important. That you get better. Not that you win. I mean, winning is fun and all, but it’s not what it’s all about. It’s about getting stronger, faster, BETTER. Being first or complaining about NOT being first doesn’t mean you’ve gotten better or ARE better. Sometimes it’s the struggle that counts. What’s easy for me, may not be easy for you. And that’s OK. It’s all, OK. 

I say this because I’m not the best at everything at the gym, and never have been. And I’m ok with that. I can deadlift more than double my bodyweight, but due to my shoulder I can never do pull ups ever again, I can never snatch a kettlebell overhead ever again, and due to training for powerlifting let’s just say my cardio is not amazing anymore. To get better at powerlifting, I’ve given up being good at a lot of other aspects of fitness. Ever see me run anymore? Nope. I’m sure most of you would crush me in a 5k run. Shit, make that 500m. And other than my recent “restoration” week, I very rarely row, ski, bike, or do any other cardio. So trust me when I say, other than mental fortitude, I can’t “cardio” very well anymore. I’m just too stubborn to give up.

“Sounds like you’re making excuses.”

Yes and no. Running is not in my programming, so I don’t ever run anymore. I gave up one thing to do something else (this is called “specialization”). I’ve hit a ton of PRs in the last year on my barbell work, and at the same time, I’ve also never failed so much in my training since switching from kettlebells to powerlifting. I rarely ever failed in kettlebell sport, and I never came in second place at a competition, but I have failed numerous times in powerlifting, in the gym and at competition. Failure is part of the journey. The struggle IS part of the journey. My kettlebell coach would constantly “rag” on me about my kettlebell snatch technique. Why? Because it could have been better. It’s not because he was an ass, it’s because he wanted me to get better and be able to perform to my own expectations. Not because he was some righteous “I know more than you” dick. It’s what we paid him for. Not to be nice, not to hold my hand, but to COACH me. To get me better. Same with my powerlifting coach. Is it frustrating? You have no idea. Did I want to throw in the towel? Sure did. But I didn’t. And I became a better athlete because of it.

And that was online coaching. You want to talk frustrating? Work with your online coach in person. And it be someone with even less sympathy than Doug and myself. When I went to Atlanta at the end of December…shit. First day – bench. Nothing like getting poked in your ribs and being told to do something on damn near every rep for almost an hour. Did I learn to fix what I needed to fix? Sure did. I still don’t do what I’m supposed every single rep, but I’m a lot better than before. Think you’re halfway decent at squats and deadlifts? Nothing like getting ripped apart on those the following day. But son of a bitch, I’m a whole better for it. And all I got afterwards was a “good work today, looks better” or something to that effect. Doug has had even worse coaching experiences, I have seen Doug get told “no, wrong, no, no, no, wrong, fuck man you are so slow” for two hours straight working with world champion lifters. But we both struggled and siffered through the process and we both got better.

My point is this. Not everything is going to be easy, even if you think you’re good at it. Work on what’s hard for you, work on what’s easy for you until you start to struggle. Not everything SHOULD be easy. Without a tiny bit of struggle here and there, it gets boring. Sometimes you need to fail, fall on your face, or on your ass, in order to get better. Miss that PR on your squat or deadlift or 1,000m row today? Go for it next week. Guarantee you’ll be all sorts of amped up to get it.

Embrace the fucking struggle, but celebrate the shit out of that PR when you hit it! It’s all OK! 

This post has also been featured on Pride Conditioning's blog: http://prideconditioning.com/stop-trying-skip-struggle/

Talk about slacking...

Well, shit. Seems like it's been almost a year since I've written anything?

I'm still lifting, and still opinionated, so that hasn't changed.

Why all of a sudden have I decided to put my thoughts down for people to read?

I'm tired. I am 100% tired. Of one thing above all others. I am so tired of...

"I Can't"

It makes me want to scream.

I'm not talking about JUST in the gym either. "I can't" is cop out. It's lazy.

The gym is the obvious choice for what I'm talking about. But this also applies to daily life. There are things that come across my desk at work where I have no idea if we can do it, but we sure as hell sit down and figure it out as best we can. It may be something we've never done before. It may be something we have done, but will need to be done in a completely different manner (ever ride a boom lift 50 feet in the air?). There is nothing better than figuring out how to do something and succeeding. It's much more gratifying than saying, "I can't do that for you." I honestly don't think we've failed yet. We may have had to start over or re-do something, but we've done it. And the customers have been happy with the outcome.

To me, telling someone "I can't" means "I don't want to take the time to figure it out and do the work." If you had any idea how many times customers have said, "You two are going to do this? You're women." (My co-worker is female too) Ok? Does that somehow mean we're incapable of doing something? Have a little faith, and sit back and watch. Us strong lady-folk love to prove people wrong.

Are there things we are unable to do? Sure. I had a customer wanting to print white on clear air release vinyl. Clear vinyl isn't air release, regardless of your customer's needs. Or if I can't get my pricing down, or a job has a time crunch we literally cannot meet (I have a 30ft box truck I need wrapped...tomorrow), I'll let you know who can do the work for you.

To me there's always an ability to try harder. I'm notorious for not liking to wake up. Especially on Monday's. Could I try harder to not hit the snooze button? Yeah. I'm normally at work between 8:30-8:45, but Monday's it's closer to 9. It's rare I'm ever super late. It's not that I go to bed too late, or am overly anxious about the day so I don't sleep that night, it's more due to sleeping longer on Sunday's and always being so busy with the house, or the gym, or my real job.

So before you decide you "can't" do something, ask yourself:

• Did I really try?
• Did I give it my all?
• Did I exhaust all resources?
• Did I figure out a work around or a different way to do something?
• Or am I just quitting because I don't want to?

It was a clear black night

"Oh hey! I can totally snatch the 16kg in the future with enough patience!" - Perhaps spoken too soon by your's truly.

There's been a lot of deep thinking the last few weeks about my future workout plans. And of course a lot of the "should I really be doing this" has entered my mind lately. The answer is not really, but I'm going to do what I want regardless of the doctor's wishes. Speaking of, I saw him yesterday for an update and new x-rays after surgery. So far so good. There's some wear but nothing more than would be normal for a year.

The left is before surgery and the right was taken yesterday. See how there's no space between the bones on the left? That's no good. See how there's space on the right? That's good. Essentially I'm doing fine and only have to go back if something major happens. Even if I dislocate it, I have can't even go to the ER, I have to go immediately to the orthopedist.

A lot changed mentally when I was prepping for my first powerlifting meet. The fact that I had virtually no shoulder pain was huge for me. I can control the volume I do, I can't control the volume the volume in kettlebell sport. I have to do it, there's no way around it. So what exactly does that mean? I believe I'll be hanging up the kettlebells except for mobility work purposes. Does it suck? Absolutely. But like when Duff coached me for Nationals in 2014, he asked Doug during my snatch set if I was smart enough to know when to put the bell down. I think I am now. That being said, I'll still be around to judge, help the AKA/AAKA with design needs and apparel.

What's next? I'm happy to say I'll still be competing in powerlifting! I've always loved squats and deadlifts, and I don't have to worry about my old lady shoulder for those! I will with bench, but for now, everything is going well. My next meet should be July 9th in Charlotte. So, get ready for more singlet pictures and videos! I've also hired a coach. I'm super happy to say that Scott Shetler, who we've known for years through kettlebells, will be helping me on this next fitness journey!

Time to get stupid strong!

Room by room, patiently

So it's two and half weeks removed from the West Coast Classic in San Fran which allows me the proper time to digest everything.

My thoughts on the competition:

1. Ice Chamber always puts on such an awesome event. Everyone there is so nice, it's like our West Coast home.
2. There are a lot of people doing some awesome things. From little tiny Mia who has done 20+ competitions, to Jess lifting at 8mos pregnant, to really anyone who has the balls to get up and lift.
3. I finally hit 200 damn reps on the 12kg. Finally. Was it pretty? No, my left side will never be pretty again, but I did it. (Here's the end of my set)
4. I had a few no-counts, but they were deserved. I saw where they happened. I ain't mad.
5. I finally went over 5 minutes on my right arm. At Nationals 2014, I only made 4 minutes on my right "good" side.
6. I know I can lift the 16kg, but it's going to take a lot longer than I originally anticipated. A lot longer. But it's doable, just probably not this year.
7. I need more time on the 10kg to smooth out the left side.
8. It felt amazing to be on the platform after such a long lay off!

What's next? I've been sick for 2 weeks and am finally getting back into really working out this week. Since I didn't really do much before yesterday, when I did my shoulder work last night everything felt very weak and unstable overhead, so I'm taking a little time off from lifting kettlebells until I can get that back under control.

Next kettlebell competition? I'm really not sure. I finally hit my goal on the 12kg, so I'm don't particularly want to compete on it again. But I know I won't be ready for the 16kg anytime soon. So it's pretty up in the air. Maybe nothing until San Fran again next year? All I know is I'm not going to sweat it or get all uppity and antsy - when I'm ready, I'll be ready. Until then, judgey pants. After seeing the judging at Worlds in November, we'll all be strict as ever.

Next competition? A powerlifting competition. Why? Because why not?! I'm trying to get a feel for what I can maybe do long term for the next 10-15 years. If I can't lift a bell, I can always squat and deadlift! I'll just suck horrifically bad at bench. And once that goes to hell, I'll do some single lifts.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

2015 Year in Review

2015 was a strange year. Many ups and downs, things that have both shaken and strengthened my confidence, and so many lessons.

Lesson #1:
And probably the most important: patience. I am notoriously impatient. The one thing I cannot do with my shoulder is rush it. Healing takes time. Getting stronger takes time. What it boils down to is your resolve and ability to recognize everything takes time. Sometime more time than you think.

Lesson #2:
Don't be afraid of shifting roles, inside and outside the gym. If you're sidelined with an injury and can't train or compete, and all you can do is be someone's support system or cheerleader, you need to be the best damned supporter and cheerleader you can be. If you suddenly have a job change or new role at work, you best embrace that change and your damned best at whatever it is you need to do.

Lesson #3:
No one will motivate or inspire you more than yourself. True motivation and desire to to do something lies within. You cannot rely on others or motivational quotes you see online for the inspiration to go do something. Now, I realize that maybe you'll have an off day and seeing or reading something may help give you an extra little push that day, and that's fine. I know that you will always see someone or something that does inspire you, but it's really up to you do something. You need to have the desire, will, want and drive to do it, to go get it.

Lesson #4:
Piggy back on lesson #3, "Then why the hell do you post so much about your shoulder?" Because my own struggles with simply having normal mobility in a poorly designed shoulder inspires me. I am happy to move pain free a majority of days, I am happy to be back to training. I use it as a reminder than I can and have the ability to do more than sometimes I think I can. I thought at the beginning of 2015 that I'd never be able to snatch again, but through hard work and patience, I can. So forgive me if I choose to share it with the world, but I am damned proud of how far my stupid shoulder has come! And hell, if it gives you that extra push to do something on your off day, that's great too! And, yes, I do look to others on my off days, so you never know who I'm looking at for my extra push that day, could be you...

Lesson #5:
No one will care as much about your successes and failures as you will. Don't let the failures eat you up, and don't let the successes inflate your ego too much. Ego and self-confidence are good things, but not when they're over the top.

Lesson #8:
I've tried my best to not complain as much. I try to post and think about more positive things, and I'll be damned if I wasn't happier throughout 2015 than I ever have been.

Lesson #7:
Just do you and be you, and all will be well.

Now that 2016 is here, there's only one way to go: upwards and onwards! Struggles and failures happen, but they shouldn't discourage you. Just remember everyday can't be a PR day. Let those days keep you humble, and also serve as encouragement for the next day.

Hell don't care how you look

I feel like I've been slacking on my shoulder lately, but I haven't. I've simply had other lifting priorities. I've been doing squats and deadlifts for what feels like an eternity, with a goal of maxing out the week before we left for Ireland. So that meant doing just my rehab exercises with no extra snatch work - I still snatch during my exercises, but only for reps on light weight. And I also only got in one day of rehab work across the pond, so this week has been rough.

When I don't do my rehab work, my shoulder feels awful. That damn arthritis commercial that says "A body in motion stays in motion" is true. My shoulder was been popping and slipping the last week and half. And has gotten ridiculously tight. Today was the first day I felt like I could finally do something substantial. A few weeks before leaving for Doug to compete in Dublin, I was able to do a 6:00 multi-switch snatch set. I think I kept it to 15rpm. Today I was able to do two 4:00 sets at 16rpm. My right side feels fine and I think finally getting better about the handle position and feel a huge difference in grip. The left is just jacked up looking because my feet are all over the place and overall weakness - but not soreness. I keep ending up really sideways which is why it looks so far forward at times. I'm pretty happy considering I didn't think I'd ever be able to do this a few months ago.

I'm pretty excited and am hopeful I can compete in February at Ice Chamber's event. Fingers crossed!

What it takes, who I am, where I've been belong

This goes for everything in life. Ignore it, and it withers. Water it, and it flourishes. Why is this a big deal? Because sometimes all it takes is tiny breakthrough to make a difference. Obviously, I'm speaking in terms of my shoulder. I can either focus on what I cannot do, or just do what I can. And the reality is, no one cares about what you can or cannot more than you. If anyone does who is not your trainer or medical provider, they really need to find something else to focus on.

Lately, it's been feeling amazing. Minimal pain, minimal strange popping, minimal soreness after working it. It's only taken 7.5 months post surgery to get to this point. And I like to think the progress I've seen lately and so suddenly is because I've added in light dumbbell chest presses to "negate" all the pulling movements I do. You know, me doing more of what I'm not supposed to be.

Two weeks ago, when it was feeling ridiculously good, I snatched the 16kg for 3 reps each hand, and then 5 more reps each hand. It felt so freaking amazing. I woke up the following morning with only my rhomboids hurting due to snatching heavier weight than I've been able to for over a year. What does all that mean? It's given me confidence I haven't had a long time. And hope. Hope that I can continue to prove my doctor wrong. That I don't have to give up on one day being able to compete for Team USA. Just like a slow cooker, I'm working low and slow. Gotta build up slowly, I'm in a marathon to get to where I was, not a sprint.

Rhomboid

I was able to snatch the 16kg for a few reps again last week, and again with no pain other than muscle soreness. Which is amazing. Especially when I have no pain in the front of my shoulder. I'm hoping to stave that off as long as possible because that means I'll have to stop. And I don't want to. But, enough of that shit. This renewed confidence gave me the balls to try a 10:00 snatch set on the 8kg. It's pretty laughable considering where I was and how much I currently lift, but A) to be able to do a full set on any weight is a huge step for me, B) I was able to do the set with no joint pain during, after or even the next day, and C) I was able to pace each minute, and slow down where necessary - which means I was able to hold the bell overhead for a few longer lengths with no pain. All things considered, I'm very happy. Like, very very happy. Check it out:

Yeah, it's the 8kg, but everyone needs to start somewhere. And I'm happy to even be able to restart.