It was a clear black night

"Oh hey! I can totally snatch the 16kg in the future with enough patience!" - Perhaps spoken too soon by your's truly.

There's been a lot of deep thinking the last few weeks about my future workout plans. And of course a lot of the "should I really be doing this" has entered my mind lately. The answer is not really, but I'm going to do what I want regardless of the doctor's wishes. Speaking of, I saw him yesterday for an update and new x-rays after surgery. So far so good. There's some wear but nothing more than would be normal for a year.

The left is before surgery and the right was taken yesterday. See how there's no space between the bones on the left? That's no good. See how there's space on the right? That's good. Essentially I'm doing fine and only have to go back if something major happens. Even if I dislocate it, I have can't even go to the ER, I have to go immediately to the orthopedist.

A lot changed mentally when I was prepping for my first powerlifting meet. The fact that I had virtually no shoulder pain was huge for me. I can control the volume I do, I can't control the volume the volume in kettlebell sport. I have to do it, there's no way around it. So what exactly does that mean? I believe I'll be hanging up the kettlebells except for mobility work purposes. Does it suck? Absolutely. But like when Duff coached me for Nationals in 2014, he asked Doug during my snatch set if I was smart enough to know when to put the bell down. I think I am now. That being said, I'll still be around to judge, help the AKA/AAKA with design needs and apparel.

What's next? I'm happy to say I'll still be competing in powerlifting! I've always loved squats and deadlifts, and I don't have to worry about my old lady shoulder for those! I will with bench, but for now, everything is going well. My next meet should be July 9th in Charlotte. So, get ready for more singlet pictures and videos! I've also hired a coach. I'm super happy to say that Scott Shetler, who we've known for years through kettlebells, will be helping me on this next fitness journey!

Time to get stupid strong!

Room by room, patiently

So it's two and half weeks removed from the West Coast Classic in San Fran which allows me the proper time to digest everything.

My thoughts on the competition:

1. Ice Chamber always puts on such an awesome event. Everyone there is so nice, it's like our West Coast home.
2. There are a lot of people doing some awesome things. From little tiny Mia who has done 20+ competitions, to Jess lifting at 8mos pregnant, to really anyone who has the balls to get up and lift.
3. I finally hit 200 damn reps on the 12kg. Finally. Was it pretty? No, my left side will never be pretty again, but I did it. (Here's the end of my set)
4. I had a few no-counts, but they were deserved. I saw where they happened. I ain't mad.
5. I finally went over 5 minutes on my right arm. At Nationals 2014, I only made 4 minutes on my right "good" side.
6. I know I can lift the 16kg, but it's going to take a lot longer than I originally anticipated. A lot longer. But it's doable, just probably not this year.
7. I need more time on the 10kg to smooth out the left side.
8. It felt amazing to be on the platform after such a long lay off!

What's next? I've been sick for 2 weeks and am finally getting back into really working out this week. Since I didn't really do much before yesterday, when I did my shoulder work last night everything felt very weak and unstable overhead, so I'm taking a little time off from lifting kettlebells until I can get that back under control.

Next kettlebell competition? I'm really not sure. I finally hit my goal on the 12kg, so I'm don't particularly want to compete on it again. But I know I won't be ready for the 16kg anytime soon. So it's pretty up in the air. Maybe nothing until San Fran again next year? All I know is I'm not going to sweat it or get all uppity and antsy - when I'm ready, I'll be ready. Until then, judgey pants. After seeing the judging at Worlds in November, we'll all be strict as ever.

Next competition? A powerlifting competition. Why? Because why not?! I'm trying to get a feel for what I can maybe do long term for the next 10-15 years. If I can't lift a bell, I can always squat and deadlift! I'll just suck horrifically bad at bench. And once that goes to hell, I'll do some single lifts.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

2015 Year in Review

2015 was a strange year. Many ups and downs, things that have both shaken and strengthened my confidence, and so many lessons.

Lesson #1:
And probably the most important: patience. I am notoriously impatient. The one thing I cannot do with my shoulder is rush it. Healing takes time. Getting stronger takes time. What it boils down to is your resolve and ability to recognize everything takes time. Sometime more time than you think.

Lesson #2:
Don't be afraid of shifting roles, inside and outside the gym. If you're sidelined with an injury and can't train or compete, and all you can do is be someone's support system or cheerleader, you need to be the best damned supporter and cheerleader you can be. If you suddenly have a job change or new role at work, you best embrace that change and your damned best at whatever it is you need to do.

Lesson #3:
No one will motivate or inspire you more than yourself. True motivation and desire to to do something lies within. You cannot rely on others or motivational quotes you see online for the inspiration to go do something. Now, I realize that maybe you'll have an off day and seeing or reading something may help give you an extra little push that day, and that's fine. I know that you will always see someone or something that does inspire you, but it's really up to you do something. You need to have the desire, will, want and drive to do it, to go get it.

Lesson #4:
Piggy back on lesson #3, "Then why the hell do you post so much about your shoulder?" Because my own struggles with simply having normal mobility in a poorly designed shoulder inspires me. I am happy to move pain free a majority of days, I am happy to be back to training. I use it as a reminder than I can and have the ability to do more than sometimes I think I can. I thought at the beginning of 2015 that I'd never be able to snatch again, but through hard work and patience, I can. So forgive me if I choose to share it with the world, but I am damned proud of how far my stupid shoulder has come! And hell, if it gives you that extra push to do something on your off day, that's great too! And, yes, I do look to others on my off days, so you never know who I'm looking at for my extra push that day, could be you...

Lesson #5:
No one will care as much about your successes and failures as you will. Don't let the failures eat you up, and don't let the successes inflate your ego too much. Ego and self-confidence are good things, but not when they're over the top.

Lesson #8:
I've tried my best to not complain as much. I try to post and think about more positive things, and I'll be damned if I wasn't happier throughout 2015 than I ever have been.

Lesson #7:
Just do you and be you, and all will be well.

Now that 2016 is here, there's only one way to go: upwards and onwards! Struggles and failures happen, but they shouldn't discourage you. Just remember everyday can't be a PR day. Let those days keep you humble, and also serve as encouragement for the next day.