I know I'm with 'em but I ain't like them!

Piggy back onto the last post.

One of the biggest mental hurdles of a long term injury is dealing with changes in your physical appearance. Believe it or not, not being able to do anything overhead (other than snatches) or any chest work has a negative affect on the waist line. It's hard to deal with. Especially being in a position I'm in with the gym. It makes you really have to focus on your diet.

Which of course brings me to my next problem. I love to lift heavy shit. I'm no longer looking to be my old fight weight. Heavy lifting = hungry. I can honestly say that I feel about as strong as I did before surgery. I can deadlift the same, my squat isn't quite where it was but it's coming along, and all other accessory lifts are where they were. I'm training more abs and core than I used to as well, so even though I had more muscles showing, I sure as shit wasn't as strong. And I can still run a 5k, albeit a minute slower per mile, I can still do it. The only thing I really shy away from is rowing (on a rower, not like dumbbell rows - those I love). I had a cortisone shot back in October of last year, and while I know rowing wasn't the cause of my problems, it was the last exercise I did before the cortisone wore off and I had excruciating pain. So I don't row.

Power Belly for the Win!

What is my point exactly? Last year at Nationals I weighed in at an even 53kg (116lbs) fully clothed, without trying. My fight weight was 102/105. While I looked great, it was awful to maintain. I am currently between 118-122. That's the most I've weighed since Doug and I got married. I can say that even though I'm the heaviest I've been in 7+ years, I am also the strongest I've been yet still have endurance. While it is hard to get past that I may "ride a little dirty" with a slight belly, eff it. I'm at a point now where I'm more concerned with how strong I am, being thankful for the exercises and things I can still do, and simply enjoying the process and journey. Don't get me wrong, I still kinda sort of count my macros, but I don't sweat anything that slips in my diet.

For reference, here are my squat and deadlift weights at each phase:

• 102-110lbs body weight: squat = 145, deadlift = 175
• 112-116lbs body weight: squat = 165, deadlift = 185
• 118+ body weight: squat  = 200, deadlift = 215

I think that says enough. Did I mention I can still run and sprint? And am getting very close to testing myself on a 10:00 set of snatches? Ok, it's only on the 8kg, but I gotta start somewhere.

Nationals last year. Last fight weigh in and face punch.

I guess my moral of today's story is this: figure out your goals and have fun reaching them, be happy with what you can do, and don't stress so much on how you look. And have a damned cookie or donut once in a while, it won't kill you and maybe it'll help you reach a PR on a lift or a run.